How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: A Story

I have a new embarrassing story for myself :)

This initially happened like months ago, but my flatmate and I were out one night, we got out of the club and headed for food. We were standing waiting to get served when, for reasons that are unfortunately a tad cloudy, she got a hold of my phone and ended up requesting Greg James as a friend on Facebook.

Yeah, like Greg James, the Radio 1 DJ and presenter. Lil' backstory here – I’ve had a little bit of a crush on this guy since I was like 13, and shamelessly, everyone knows it (13 year old Hannah would be mortified at me right now, btw). My flatmate also knew this, and when I realised three days later that the request was still pending (and of course, therefore was ignored without even being rejected, rude), I just about died.

So that’s all good, right? I cancelled the request, life can continue – albeit, should I ever come to meet the poor guy I couldn’t disclose my identity out of fear of the police being called. But that’s not how I do things cause I’m just the absolute worst.

Fast forward like three months to last week, and it’s all forgotten about. Myself and the same flatmate spend the evening reminiscing on past years at uni with some wine, and eventually each head off to bed. But the reflections have me thinking. All the chat of lost friendships and fallouts have me feeling like amends need to be made. I need to make things right with people I have wronged in the past.

And of all the people, my intoxicated mind decided Greg was a must. As if he still lies awake at night, questioning over and over again whatever the case of that random Scottish girl was. So I wrote him an email, apologising and asking for his forgiveness. Then promptly fell asleep, and forgot all about it.

I’m a dedicated Podcastard (props if you know what this is), and so on Friday I put on the new edition of the "That's What He Said" podcast while I pottered around my room for a bit. And about 15 minutes in, I genuinely screamed.

Have you ever felt ready to curl up and die at the sound of Chris Smith with the News recounting your drunken antics? And only hearing Greg’s response as an audibly disgusted “oh god”? If so, is there any counseling available?

Moral of the story: don’t add strangers on Facebook, even if they’re radio presenters. Not only is it weird, but you’ll never live it down.